TIRED

There are a lot of things that has been running through my mind. I don't know where to start. School work, family, religion, friends and of course myself. Okay, cross that out. It should be religion, school work, family, friends and myself. These things are important to me (and there are a lot more which are not mentioned here...) but, like you, I don't know which things should top my priority list.

I am God-fearing. I love God. I am a Christian. I believe in Him. But eventhough I know that I love Him that much sometimes it doesn't show. What I mean is that I don't act like a true Christian (Here I go again...). I am sure aout my faith (I think...) but sometimes there are things that make me falter as a son of God. To know more about God should be top in my priority list because he's our Father but sometimes, He being on top just doesn't work for me... There are a lot of things to consider. There are a lot of God-related responsibilities but these are not all the responsibilities that I have and will have. Like my responsibilities in school...

Again, school should be number 1 in my list. I should be doing well in school. I should excel. Yes, I accept that fact that my brain is fit only for the Roentgen peeps but somehow I should exert more effort. I study but not really that kind of studying. You know what I mean? I know I could do more than what I am doing right now. I know I could be better but sometimes a lot of things hinder me to become a better student. There's the 'fear' of being tagged as GC. Yes, I know that I am grade conscious but please don't use that against me. If I comply with the requirements that's because I know that I should... but if you don't have your requirements-- please, don't take that against me. You're just lazy (Don't worry I am, too, but I know when to be lazy). Although, sometimes I forget when to be...

Next, my family. I love my family. I love them more each day. They make me feel the ground. They are my connection to reality. They make me see reality. They should be my number 1 because of those things and because of the simple reason that we are a family. Kapamilya. Sabay sa lahat ng bagay. Hindi nila ako iiwan. So, what's the point in making them #2 or #3 or perhaps, last in my list if they would never leave me? Security. Why should I risk my time with things that would give me nothing when I can invest it here with my family? Although, salvation is only achieved with God and a good life can be achieved with good education, etc. The question: What is more important?

My friends... They are also my world. They actually give me a new world. I can be the real me or I can be another person. I can be this and that with them. And they accept me. Although, no one can really assure how long and how strong will the friendship be but its enough that you have someone to lean on... But, are friends only 'for the mean time'?

In the movies, when a man leaves a woman and the woman is really heartbroken, she would say "I should have loved myself more than giving all my love for you (or something to that effect)." I should love myself. Actually, I love myself, I just don't know how. I should buy this. I should buy that. I should have a 36-24-36 vital stats (which is very hard to achieve...) I should eat less. I should be like this. I should be like that. I should pursue this. I should pursue that. I should be more of this and less of that. A lot of I should be's when all I really need to be is be me. Another question: What do I get from being me?

A lot of questions but no answer. Or maybe I know the answer. I just don't know what question does it answer -- Do I? This might sound so trivial but it really confuses me. Which should be on top? What should be the last? What will I get from it? Do I really need to get something from it? Would it make me happy?

Thinks...

Sometimes, I get tired of all these things. Who can blame me? Some might think that my life is a boring sequence of events... (Actually, I think that my life is boring.) but with all these things?

So who said that my life was boring?

And who said that your life is boring?

I get tired. You get tired. We all get tired. Tired. Tired. Tired. Zzz... (Doze...)

Life...