Its been quite a while. Its been hard. Its making me crazy. You are making me crazy. I can't sleep. I wake up thinking of you. Damn it! You inspire me. I want to be better. I am in pain. I don't know. This is bullsh*t! I hate this. I so want to give this up. But, I won't. I can't. My head's turning. So fast. My thoughts are this and you. And you and this. This makes me feel sick. I want to be better. But, its as if I'm crumbling. I am crumbling. I am crumbling and I hate myself for letting you make me crumble. Like cookies. This thing, it can't stop moving. This sensation and feeling is so overwhelming. Crying myself to sleep is not working. Studying makes it even worse. Ring the alarm! Code Red. Code Black. You have got to call a code. I am confused. Confused. In circles. Everything. I am in circles. My thoughts are running around. I want to be better but I am crumbling. Argh... I feel crappy. I am very much in crap...